Victimhood, vindictiveness, and vengeance

Childhood trauma (esp. appearance bullying) can lead to a life of bondage to victimhood, vindictiveness, and vengeance. Blaming others is a common part of this life.

These things can lead one to go through life collecting injuries (real and imagined) that magnify a sense of victimhood (as one craves pity and sympathy) and intensifies desire for revenge (as anger builds) – against those who didn’t even cause the original trauma – and who never would.

This kind of reaction often involves misreading circumstances and people as victimizing agents – those who supposedly emotionally or psychologically abuse – even though such things are not actually happening.

It can be very challenging to live with and love a person who continuously stokes the fires of victimhood, vindictiveness, and revenge. Encouraging them to see things differently is not easy when these emotions become a grid through which they read life.

An indication of deeper issues comes when you find yourself clarifying the actions and intentions of others. “I don’t think she meant that…” “You’re being too sensitive…” “Don’t read into it…” This kind of feedback is typically met with anger, or accusations of not understanding, or taking the other person’s side.

When these emotions and ways of seeing life are tied to real pain from one’s past, tracing both victimhood and vengeance to the original abusers is a first step in finding freedom.

My book, The 18 Year Factor, is written to help with these kinds of challenges.

Steve Cornell