Here’s a truth I didn’t understand when I was new in faith – “The Lord disciplines those He loves” (Psalm 103:13; Proverbs 3:12; Hebrews 12:6). I am still learning about this truth.
I think it would benefit all new believers to be taught about God’s discipline.
Let’s first widen the lens on discipline.
Discipline is part of life.Without it, we easily slide into habits that defeat us. Discipline is essential to those who desire to live well and be effective in all areas of life.
Discipline challenges natural tendencies toward laziness, carelessness, lack of focus, and even defeat. Most of us would admit to needingmore discipline. But we know it doesn’t come easily.
Discipline Defined
Discipline carriesa range of meanings and functions from teaching to punishment. It includes educating, training, coaching, correcting, and chastising.
The overall aim of discipline is to develop the moral, mental and physical character…
I had the privilege for many years of leading a Parents of Teens group. We studied quite a number of parenting books over those years, but a favorite is “Age of Opportunity: A Biblical Guide to Parenting Teens.” The author, Paul David Tripp, challenges parents to look closely at the posture they take toward their teens.
Tripp repeatedly warns parents about the temptation to wrongly view the teen years as a time to endure. These are years of opportunity. It’s a great point that should be heard again and again!
One of the most important chapters in Tripp’s book focuses on the idols parents allow to obstruct their ability to parent effectively. He raises a very searching question for frustrated parents: Whose Idols Are in the Way? Before looking at each of the five idols, consider:
The core principle of the chapter
“The anger, frustration, discouragement, irritation, impatience, and fear that parents feel during the teen years not only reveal that the teen is struggling, but that the parents are as well. If our hearts are controlled by something other than God, the great opportunities of the teen years will not be viewed as opportunities at all, but as a constant stream of hassles brought on by a selfish, immature person who upsets our otherwise comfortable life. Failure to deal with our idolatry will mean we will turn God-given moments of ministry into moments of anger. We will personalize what is not personal, become adversarial in our approach to our teen, and settle for quick, situational solutions that do not focus on the teenager’s heart” (Tripp).
The goal of the chapter:
“The goal of this chapter is best summarized by Proverbs 20:5, “The purposes of a man’s heart are deep waters, but a man of understanding draws them out.” The goal is that parents would use the mirror of the Word (Luke 6:34-36; Ezek. 14:1-5; James 4:1-10) to examine their hearts to discover which of the typical parental idols listed below best describes them” (Tripp).
Start with your own heart:
“The goal is that parents would understand that they must be willing to start with their own hearts if they want to be used by God to help transform the hearts of their teenagers. If we do not do this, we will be a hindrance, not a help, in what God is doing” (Tripp).
Five idols parents must avoid:
Discuss these with your mate or with a trusted friend
Idol of Comfort: “I just wish life were a little easier, a little more peaceful, and a little more predictable.”
Idol of Respect: “If it is the last thing I do, I am going to get her to respect me!”
Idol of Appreciation: “I have done and done for them and this is the thanks I get? It is about time that I got a little credit for all of my hard work!”
Idol of Success: “Do you know what it is like to do all this work and have him behave this way? What are people thinking about our family now?”
Idol of Control: “If I had a little more control around here, life would be much easier and he would be in far less trouble!”
Balanced perspective:
While it’s right to teach our children to be respectful and appreciative, if we’re motivated by a demand that these qualities are owed to us, we’ll lose focus and fail to offer godly influence to our children.
Enter the conversation: (answering these questions in the comment section below):
Which of the five idols do you struggle most with?
What have you found helpful for removing it?
Thought
“If our hearts are controlled by something other than God, we will not view the golden opportunities of the teen years as opportunities at all. Instead they will be a constant stream of irritating hassles brought on by an incredibly self-centered person” (pp. 29-30, Tripp).
Get a copy of Age of Opportunity: A Biblical Guide to Parenting Teens, second edition” by Paul David Tripp. Form a group to study it together. Our group always had two rules that MUST not be broken (or else!):
Confidentiality. Nothing shared (especially about our parenting challenges) leaves this room.
Don’t be the “answer man.” No one has all the answers, but we may gently share ideas, and things we’ve found helpful.
Jesus taught that there will not be marriage in heaven. Jesus said, “The people of this age marry and are given in marriage. But those who are considered worthy of taking part in the resurrection from the dead will neither marry nor be given in marriage, and they can no longer die; for they are like the angels. They are God’s children, since they are children of the resurrection” (Luke 20:34-36).
This does not mean that gender distinction will be removed in heaven. Nor should we conclude that we will have no memory of earthly relationships.
The biological purpose of marriage will notbe needed in heaven, but, “. . . this does not mean ‘marriage’ in a broader sense is excluded. Although marriage as an institution is impossible in heaven,marriage as a metaphor…
Tevye in “Fiddler on the Roof” kept a running dialogue with God (a sort of lament). He credited God for good things and lamented things that went wrong or that he wished were different.
In one of his well-known laments, Tevye is feeding his horse, looking up at God saying, “You made many, many poor people. I realize, of course, it’s no shame to be poor. But it’s no great honor either. Ahh, so what would have been so terrible if I had a small fortune?”
Then he launches into the song, “If I Were a Rich Man.” He sings, “Lord who made even lion and the lamb, You decreed I should be what I am. Would it spoil some vast eternal plan if I were a wealthy man?!”
In another lament, Tevye sits dejected by the side of the road with his lame horse and says to God, “I…
“Father of Mercies, Hear me for Jesus’ sake. I am sinful even in my closest walk with you; it is of your mercy that I did not die long ago; Your grace was given me in the cross by which you have reconciled yourself to me and me to you, drawing me by your great love, declaring me innocent in Christ though guilty in myself.
Giver of all graces, I look to you for strength to maintain them in me, for it is hard to practice what I believe. Strengthen me against temptations. My heart is an unexhausted fountain of sin, a river of corruption since childhood days, flowing on in every pattern of behavior; You have disarmed me of the means in which I trusted, and I have no strength but in you.
You alone can hold back my evil ways, but without your grace to sustain me I fall. Satan’s darts quickly inflame me, and the shield that should quench them easily drops from my hand: Empower me against his wiles and assaults. Keep me sensible of my weakness, and of my dependence upon your strength. Let every trial teach me more of your peace, more of your love.
Your Holy Spirit is given to increase your graces, and I cannot preserve or improve them unless he works continually in me. May he confirm my trust in your promised help, and let me walk humbly in dependence upon you, for Jesus’ sake.” (Contemporized from, “The Valley of Vision“).
Addictions are a big problem—-especially, it seems, for men.
I try to stay alert to thoughtful and transparent focus on this subject and I stumbled upon an article that I appreciated. It’s source is not one I frequent (menshealth.com) and is not expected to address the matter from a Christian perspective. But I appreciated the transparent and thoughtful way its author related to the battle of addiction.
The closing line (used to promote the article) is what first got my attention. “Lasting pleasure, it turns out, comes when you successfully battle your obsessions, rather than submitting to them” (Tom Matlack). In principle, this is consistent with Christian perspective because authentic, joyful Christianity cannot co-exist with complacency.
Explaining the landscape of male struggles with addiction, Matlack wrote: “It seems that at the very core of the American male’s predicament is obsessive behavior done with an irrational hope to produce deep and lasting pleasure. The porn industry is the biggest online business in this country; every month, Americans download billions of pornographic videos. More than ten percent of adults admit to having an Internet porn addiction, and 70 percent of those are men.”
“Virtual poker is the second-biggest online business in the U.S.; by some estimates, as many as 148 million Americans—just less than half of the U.S. population—gamble regularly. Alcohol and drug addiction affects at least 23 million Americans; men are twice as likely to be affected as women. The Journal of the American Medical Association recently reported that 32 percent of American men are obese and five percent are morbidly obese. With this taste for excess in mind, I think it’s safe to say that the number of male addicts is large and growing.”
“But I am not just talking about the category of behaviors defined as addictions; I am really talking, more broadly, about obsessive behavior. As I have looked more closely at my own problem with addiction, I have come to see booze as merely a symptom of a deeper problem in my life and in the lives of many men just like me” (The Addiction Habit).
Most people who try to quit an addiction miss the dopamine hit they’ve been getting, says Michael Levy, D.O., director of the Center for Addiction Medicine, in Nevada. Counteract this by boosting production of serotonin, a calming neuro-transmitter. Three things that will increase your output: exercise, fish oil, and turkey.
Step 2 – MAKE IT HARD TO SLIP
To really change bad habits, you have to trash everything associated with them. “Some people say it’s their last cigarette, but they’re not investing in it, because they won’t throw away their lighters,”says Mark Griffiths, Ph.D., an addiction expert at Nottingham Trent University, in England. So, depending on your drug, that could mean eliminating anything from corkscrews to high-speed Internet. You’ll know what to toss.
Christian perspective on the two steps
Step 1
Christianity offers the alternative obsession. It’s called worshipping the Creator. Let me explain: “Man’s chief end is to glorify God, and to enjoy him forever” (Westminster Catechism, cf. Psalm 16:5-11; 144:15; Isaiah 12:2; Philippians 4:4). When we worship and serve the Creator, we experience the joy and fulfillment we were meant to flourish in and we bless those who know us. This is reflected in what Jesus called the greatest command of God: “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind” (Matthew 22:37, NIV). I am not comparing Jesus to an addictive substance but recognizing that God satisfies the longings of the heart and fills emptiness of life that lead addicts to their drugs.
Idolatry exists in a heart controlled by something other than God. When any activity becomes controlling in a way that dishonors God’s authority, it must be viewed as an idol. This could include excessive activities and behaviors considered to be harmless. Things like work, exercise, listening to talk radio, watching cable news, internet use, reading, and sports can become harmfully addictive. Any behavior that occupies a place in our lives that hurts other priorities and relationships must be brought under God’s will.
When we ignore God or set ourselves up as God or try to define God on our own terms, we inevitably sabotage ourselves. We lose our sense of reference and direction (by ignoring God) and disorient and sabotage ourselves. We turn the good gifts of the creator against ourselves by excluding the worship of the giver of the good gifts. Everything becomes a means for meeting my needs not for glorifying the Creator and serving others.
Step 2
Going to the source of temptation and dealing radically with it is what Jesus taught in rather shocking language: “You have heard that it was said, `Do not commit adultery.’ But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. If your right eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away” (Matthew 5:27-30).
“If your eye causes you to sin because temptation comes to you through your eyes (objects you see), then pluck out your eyes. That is, don’t look! Behave as if you had actually plucked out your eyes and flung them away, and were now blind and so could not see the objects which previously caused you to sin. Again, if your hand or foot causes you to sin, because temptation comes to you through your hands (things you do) or your feet (places you visit), then cut them off. That is: don’t do it! Don’t go! Behave as if you had actually cut off your hands and feet and flung them away, and were now crippled and so could not do the things or visit the places which previously caused you to sin” (Sermon on the Mount, p. 89, John R. W. Stott).
When the Holy Spirit is the controlling influence in a person’s heart (Ephesians 5:18), part of the outcome will be “self control” (Galatians 5:22-23). The Holy Spirit is the key to overcoming controlling behaviors (Galatians 5:16). He provides the power to replace them with qualities that bless us and all our relationships. “The Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control” (Galatians 5:22-23, NLT). Imagine life with someone characterized by these qualities!
At the heart of the matter
This goes to the heart of the matter because we cannot experience the power provided by God’s spirit unless we live in continual dependence upon God. Here’s what this dependence looks like: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight” (Proverbs 3:5-6, NLT). We cannot (in our own strength) live the blessed life God has for us. It doesn’t mean we passively wait for God to do it all for us. This is no “let go and let God life.”
Instead, we work out what God works in us by the grace of saving love. “For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases him” (Philippians 2:13). The opposite of this way of life it to “lean on your own understanding.” It is to think and act as if you know best, better than even God. Instead, in ALL your ways (everywhere life takes you) consider your relationship with God and follow His will.
This means we must look to Him (His Word and people) as our primary source for sustained victory over addictions. We need to consistently place ourselves under good biblical teaching in transparent Christian fellowship. If these two practices are missing from you life, seek them immediately.
Childhood trauma (esp. appearance bullying) can lead to a life of bondage to victimhood, vindictiveness, and vengeance. Blaming others is a common part of this life.
These things can lead to one to go through life collecting injuries (real and imagined) that magnify a sense of victimhood (as one craves pity and sympathy) and intensifies desire for revenge (as anger builds) – against those who didn’t even cause the original trauma – and who never would.
This kind of reaction often involves misreading circumstances and people as victimizing agents – those who supposedly emotionally or psychologically abuse – even though such things are not actually happening.
It can be very challenging to live with and love a person who continuously stokes the fires of victimhood, vindictiveness, and revenge. Encouraging them to see things differently is not easy when these emotions become a grid through which they read life.
Hospital visitation was one of the harder parts of my work. I always felt a kind of weakness or helplessness. The groaning (i. e. sighing) and longing described in Romans 8 was more keenly felt.
“For we know that all creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. And we believers also groan, even though we have the Holy Spirit within us as a foretaste of future glory, for we long for our bodies to be released from sin and suffering” (Romans 8:22-23, NLT).
Sometimes we do more than groan. We want to scream our anguish! The Psalmist often expressed such emotion. “In my distress I cried out to the Lord; yes, I prayed to my God for help” (Psalm 18:). I cry out to God Most High, to God who will fulfill his purpose for me” (Psalm 57:2). “Out of the depths I cry to you, Lord; Lord, hear my voice; Let your ears be attentive to my cry for mercy” (Psalm 130:1-2).
A woman once stepped out of the room of her dying loved one and asked a doctor if there was a room anywhere in the hospital where she could go to scream. After directing her to a quiet room for prayer, the doctor thought to himself that there should be a screaming room in every hospital.
A yell rather than a thought
After losing his wife to cancer, C. S. Lewis wrote… “I am not in much danger of ceasing to believe in God. The real danger is of coming to believe such dreadful things about Him. The conclusion I dread is not ‘So there’s no God after all,’ but ‘So this is what God is really like.’” (A Grief Observed)
He observed that the God who held his dear Joy Lewis in His hands did fearful things with those hands. “Time after time when He seemed most gracious, He was preparing the next torture… I wrote that last night. It was a yell rather than a thought.”
Unbelief doesn’t shout bewilderment at a personal God. It shouts at blind fate. Belief shouts at a faithful and loving Heavenly Father when He seems to tolerate unimaginable suffering.
Where have all the flowers gone?
The prophet was told to cry out. He responded, “What shall I cry?”
“All people are like grass, and all their faithfulness is like the flowers of the field. The grass withers and the flowers fall, because the breath of the Lord blows on them. Surely the people are grass. The grass withers and the flowers fall, but the word of our God endures forever” (Isaiah 40:6-8).
With our Savior, we cry in agony, “My God, My God, Why have you forsaken me? Why are you so far from saving me, so far from my cries of anguish? My God, I cry out by day, but you do not answer, by night, but I find no rest” (Psalm 22).
We know that, “There is a time to be born and a time to die.” Yes, “The living know that they will die” (Ecclesiastes 3:1;9:5). Even games and prayers of children rehearse this difficult truth.
“Ring around the Rosie, Pocket full of Posies, Ashes, Ashes! We all fall down!”
“Now I lay me down to sleep, Pray the Lord my soul to keep, And if I die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take.”
We groan and sigh during our earthly journey. Death is our enemy. It’s also the gateway into the full joy of God’s presence.
Suffering, and even screaming, are part of this life.
“While Jesus was here on earth, he offered prayers and pleadings, with loud crying and tears, to the one who could rescue him from death. And God heard his prayers because of his deep reverence for God” (Hebrews 5:7).
A helper in weakness
And the Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness. For example, we don’t know what God wants us to pray for. But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groanings that cannot be expressed in words. And the Father who knows all hearts knows what the Spirit is saying, for the Spirit pleads for us believers in harmony with God’s own will. And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them” (Romans 8:26-28).
Hospital visits were challenging, but they were always good for me. They right-sized me, and kept me connected to a reality I needed, but I preferred not to feel.
Wisdomforlife 