How does it feel to be a Christian?

Abundant life includes pain and struggle

the complexity of self-hatred

The painful cycles of self-hatred

Check this out to moms

Amazing discovery for moms!

Dungeons beneath the castles of despair

Great leaders battle depression

In a letter written on Jan. 23, 1841, Abraham Lincoln revealed that he was suffering an intense battle with depression.

“I am now the most miserable man living. If what I feel were equally distributed to the whole human family, there would not be one cheerful face on the earth. Whether I shall ever be better I cannot tell; I awfully forebode I shall not. To remain as I am is impossible; I must die or be better, it appears to me.” (Abraham Lincoln)

Lincoln is not the only great leader who struggled with depression. The Psalmist wrote,

“How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart? ” (Psalm 13:1-2)

C.H. Spurgeon (1834-1892) was one of England’s finest pastors. It is no secret that this great preacher suffered prolonged and intense battles with depression. Noting the depths of his battle, he once wrote: “There are dungeons beneath the castles of despair.” 

“Fits of depression come over the most of us. Cheerful as we may be, we must at intervals be cast down. The strong are not always vigorous, the wise not always ready, the brave not always courageous, and the joyous not always happy.”

“There may be here and there men of iron to whom wear and tear work no perceptible detriment, but surely the rust frets even these; and as for ordinary men, the Lord knows and makes them to know that they are but dust.”

“Knowing by most painful experience what deep depression of spirit means, being visited therewith at seasons by no means few or far between, I thought it might be consolatory to some of my brethren if I gave my thoughts thereon, that younger men might not fancy that some strange thing had happened to them when they became for a season possessed by melancholy; and that sadder men might know that one upon whom the sun has shone right joyously did not always walk in the light.”

“The lesson of wisdom is: Be not dismayed by soul-trouble. Count it no strange thing, but a part of ordinary ministerial experience. Should the power of depression be more than ordinary, think not that all is over with your usefulness. Cast not away your confidence, for it hath great recompense of reward” [Heb. 10:35]. 

“Even if the enemy’s foot is on your neck, expect to rise and overthrow him. Cast the burden of the present, along with the sin of the past and the fear of the future, upon the Lord who forsakes not His saints. Live by the day—aye, by the hour.”

“My witness is that those who are honored by their Lord in public have usually to endure a secret chastening or to carry a peculiar cross lest by any means they exalt themselves and fall into the snare of the Devil. Be content to be nothing, for that is what you are. When your own emptiness is painfully forced upon your consciousness, chide yourself that you ever dreamed of being full, except in the Lord.”

•  “To be disappointed in yourself is to have believed in yourself” (Miles Stanford).

Scripture to guide us

• “The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing” (Zephaniah 3:17). 
• “Why are you in despair, O my soul? And why have you become disturbed within me? Hope in God, for I shall again praise Him For the help of His presence” (Psalm 42:5)
• “I will restore to you the years that the swarming locust has eaten” (Joel 2:25)
• “In that day you will say: ‘I will praise you, O Lord. Although you were angry with me, your anger has turned away and you have comforted me” (Isaiah 12:1)
• “…weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning (Psalm 30:5).
• “Again you will take up your tambourines and go out to dance with the joyful” (Jeremiah 31:4).
• “You have turned my mourning into joyful dancing. You have taken away my clothes of mourning and clothed me with joy” (Psalm 30:11).

What did Jesus experience for us?

• “He was despised and rejected by mankind, a man of suffering, and familiar with pain. Like one from whom people hide their faces he was despised, and we held him in low esteem. Surely he took up our pain and bore our suffering…” (Isaiah 53:3-4).
• “For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin. Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need” (Hebrews 4:15-16).
• Jesus came “to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion— to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair” (Isaiah 61:2-3).  

Pray this (often)

“Father of Mercies, Hear me for Jesus’ sake. I am sinful even in my closest walk with you; it is of your mercy that I did not die long ago; Your grace has been given to me in the cross by which you have reconciled yourself to me and me to you, drawing me by your great love, declaring me as innocent in Christ though guilty in myself.”

“Giver of all graces, I look to you for strength to maintain them in me, for it is hard to practice what I believe. Strengthen me against temptations. My heart is an unexhausted fountain of sin, a river of corruption since childhood days, flowing on in every pattern of behavior; You have disarmed me of the means in which I trusted, and I have no strength but in you.”

“You alone can hold back my evil ways, but without your grace to sustain me I fall. Satan’s darts quickly inflame me, and the shield that should quench them easily drops from my hand: Empower me against his schemes and assaults. Keep me sensible of my weakness, and of my dependence upon your strength. Let every trial teach me more of your peace, more of your love.”

“Your Holy Spirit is given to increase your graces, and I cannot preserve or improve them unless he works continually in me. May he confirm my trust in your promised help, and let me walk humbly in dependence upon you, for Jesus’ sake.” (From: The Valley of Vision)

Still learning,

Steve Cornell

See also: Discouragement: A closer look & Depression – a balanced understanding

Caring friendships

Meaningful relationships will involve opportunities to encourage and counsel others. Consider some practical guidelines for being an effective friend when giving counsel to others.

1. Slow down and listen

• Proverbs 18:13 – “If one gives an answer before he hears, it is his folly and shame.”
• James 1:19 – “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak…”
• Proverbs 18:17 – “The first to present his case seems right, till another comes forward and questions him.”
• Proverbs 20:5 – “The purposes of a man’s heart are deep waters, but a man of understanding draws them out.”

2. Counsel the whole person (avoid the trap of being one-dimensional)

Three dimensions of life

1. Physical beings with bodily needs
2. Social beings with relationship needs
3. Spiritual beings with spiritual needs

Three dimensions of personhood

1. Intellect (mind, thoughts, imagination)
2. Will (volition, decision-making)
3. Emotions (affections, feelings)

3. Consider four keys to influence

1. Develop a relationship of trust and respect
2. Know the right time and place (avoid giving uninvited advice)
3. Know how to say something (suggest, suggest…) Not – “You should…” or “You need to …” But – “I have found helpful… What has helped us…” “Scripture that has helped me think about this is…”
4. Be humble and sympathetic (Hebrews 4:15)

 4. Follow seven guidelines

1. Give them a full line of moral credit (dignity and respect)
2. Listen for the whole story (the story behind the story)
3. Weigh the effects of each dimension of life and personhood
4. Ask if they are weak or willful (encouragement or rebuke)
5. Consider false or unrealistic ways of thinking
6. Provide truth to challenge wrong thinking
7. Map a path to life as it was meant to be – all dimensions in view.

 5. Three callings for life together …

• Bear with one another – Ephesians 4:2 – “Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love”
• Build up one another – Romans 14:19 -“Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification (building others up)”
• Accept one another – Romans 15:7 – “Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God.”

6. Two principles for conflicts

1. Confronting in love – Ephesians 4:15 “…speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ” (Matthew18:15)
2. Covering in love – I Peter 4:8 – “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.” * Proverbs 10:12 “Hatred stirs up dissension, but love covers over all wrongs.

Steve Cornell

Seven causes behind legalism

A legalistic attitude poisons Christian fellowship.

It’s the attitude that religious leaders took against Jesus. Legalistic people watch others instead of watching out for them.

Legalists use pet issues for judging (condemning) others. They typically fail to see the logs in their own eyes while looking for splinters in the eyes of others (Matthew 7:1-6).

Legalists judge others for not living up to their personal preferences and traditions. They support their views by applying general commands from the Bible in specific ways and insisting that their applications be viewed on the same level as the authority of Scripture. Legalists use their applications to judge the spirituality of others.

Legalists fail to respect the category of debatable matters (Romans 14:1-3). A debatable matter is an area of behavior, doctrine or tradition on which Christians disagree because a specific biblical absolute does not address it. It’s a matter of personal preference, not divine command. These matters belong to the category of Christian freedom or liberty.

Guiding principle for debatable matters

When a behavior, doctrine, or tradition is not addressed in Scripture by a specific moral absolute commanding or forbidding specific action, it belongs to a category of freedom. In areas of freedom, Christians are encouraged to establish their own convictions but are not permitted to judge or ridicule others for not sharing their conviction (Romans 14:3).

Consider six reasons behind the struggle with legalism 

1. The desire to please God

When a person becomes a follower of Jesus Christ, he experiences a powerful inner transformation. Before knowing Christ as his Savior and Lord, his primary concern was to please himself.  After turning to Christ, he is compelled to live in a way that pleases God. But this is not an easy transition. The new believer is faced with many questions about what pleases or displeases God.  He soon learns that there are some areas where the Bible gives clear direction and others where Scripture is silent. How can he please God in areas of behavior and decision where God has not specifically spoken?

2. Difference of opinion among Christians

Things become more confusing to the new believer when he learns that, on matters not specifically addressed in Scripture, equally sincere believers have come to different conclusions about right and wrong. How can he (as a new believer) sort out the variety of opinions he observes among other Christians and Church leaders?  Is there room for difference of opinion among equally sincere believers in areas where Scripture is silent? This presents a real challenge to the Church as a potential threat to the unity of believers. This is also why teaching about how to handle differences is so important. (Go here for a resource)

3. Crusaders in the Church

The new believer then begins to meet the Crusaders in the Church. These are often people who follow the Four “C’s” Process: Convinced, Crusade, Condemn, and Compensate.

This is an example of how legalism begins. A believer becomes convinced about a particular issue. She believes has found “solid biblical support” for her position on the matter. Although she cannot point to a direct statement of command, she fortifies her position with biblical principles that (in her mind) obviously affirm her opinion.  She then begins to crusade the issue about which she is convinced. It’s not enough for her to personally arrive at such a conclusion, she feels a need to make sure everyone knows the truth she has discovered! But she only crusades her viewpoint to “help” others.

Things begin to deteriorate when the crusader begins to condemn those who do not see it her way.  “How could they be so indifferent?” she wonders. Subtly and dangerously the crusader often feels superior for having attained a higher level of obedience. But, consistent with legalism, I have often observed another “C.” The convinced crusader who condemns others is very often compensating for some area of inconsistency in her own life—an area equally obvious to others.

Have you witnessed the four “C’s” process?

This process has been used to push many debatable issues—like participation in Halloween, methods for schooling children, boycotts of businesses, drinking wine, dancing, styles of dress, tastes in music, etc…

In-house fighting over matters of preference threatens both the unity and testimony of the local Church. These divisive attitudes and behaviors  are mostly motivated by a combination of ignorance and sinful pride — not sincere and humble devotion to God (see Philippians 2:3-5; 1 Peter 5:5-6).

4. The former kingdom Factor

Another reason Christians develop strong convictions on debatable matters is related to differences in their pre-conversion lifestyles. At the moment of salvation, God takes the believer out of the kingdom of darkness and transfers him into the kingdom of His Son (Colossians 1:13).  During membership in the kingdom of darkness, we followed lifestyles conducive to that kingdom. After coming to know Christ, believers desire to repudiate practices associated with their former lifestyle.

The trouble begins when believers meet other Christians who don’t seem as concerned about the issues repudiated from their former kingdom life.  A common example is the believer who was deeply involved with music and dancing becoming upset to hear about a Christian dance with music sounding similar to their former-kingdom music. They cannot identify a direct statement of Scripture on the subject, but feel sure it must be wrong before God. Sometimes a legalist will go so far as to question the salvation of those who participate in things they feel are wrong.

Let me be clear about the fact that we are called to please God and to avoid practices that lead us away from devotion to Him.  The Scripture teaches that God works in His people to promote such a desires (Philippians 2:13).  Some believers, however, have difficulty understanding why there are different perspectives concerning what pleases God. Legalists are often unwilling to recognize such differences.

5. Applying general commands

When legalists look to settle matters once and for all on debatable issues, they often base their opinions on general rather than specific commands of Scripture. Consider, as an example, the fourth commandment of the Decalogue. “Remember the Sabbath to keep it holy … in it you shall not do any work” (Exodus 20:8-11). Violation of this command was a very serious matter for God’s people in the Old Testament era (see: Exodus 31:13-17). But, in trying to obey this more general Sabbath law, one might ask, “What kind of work is forbidden?”

The legalistic Scribes imposed detailed applications for the general law forbidding work. But their applications went beyond both the intention of God and the ability of man. We know this because of the confrontations Jesus had with the religious leaders over Sabbath conduct (Matthew 12:1-14; John 5:1-17; 7:14-24). While the motive behind their detailed Sabbath rules was partly to guard against any possible infringement of the law itself, good intentions never justify legalizing personal applications. The abuse of Sabbath law is a clear example of overextending God’s general commands. Many of God’s commands for Christian living are given in more general terms.

Consider some well-known general commands

• Matthew 6:33 “Seek first God’s kingdom and righteousness
• Matthew 22:37 “Love the Lord your God with all your heart…soul…and mind.”
• Romans 12:2 “Be not conformed to the world.”
• 1 Corinthians 10:31 “Do all to the glory of God.”
• 2 Corinthians 6:14 “Donot be unequally yoked together with unbelievers.”
• Ephesians 5:11 “have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness”
• Ephesians 5:16 “Make the most of your time”
• Philippians 4:8 “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”
• 1 Thessalonians 2:12 “Walk in a manner worthy of the God who called you to His kingdom and glory”
• 1 Peter 1:15-16 “Be holy in all you do”
• 1 Peter 2:11 “Abstain from fleshly lusts which war against the soul.”
• 1 John 2:6 “Be Christ-like.”
• 1 John 2:15 “Love not the world…” (Ephesians 4:28-32; 5:3-11; 1 Corinthians 6:18-20)

These commands are important for guiding us to live in a way that pleases God. Christians should  examine their lives in light of each one, but different applications will be made from these more general commands. Legalism becomes a destructive force when Christians apply general commands in specific ways and place their applications on the same level as Scripture, even judging others based on them.

6. Misusing God’s commands

Sometimes people misuse the commands of Scripture. For a popular example consider 1 Thessalonians 5:22, “Abstain from all appearances of evil” (KJV).  The popular application of this verse suggests that it teaches us to avoid anything that looks like evil.  Yet this is not what the verse means in context.  “Evil” in verse 22 is contrasted with “good” in verse 21.  “Good” is used with reference to prophetic utterances (mentioned in verse 20) which upon examination (verse 21) are found to be genuine.  In this light, “evil” likely refers to counterfeit prophetic utterances. It’s very important that we examine the immediate context for the intended meaning before jumping to applications.

Many things have been condemned by using this verse as an isolated injunction commanding us to abstain from anything that looks like evil. The New Testament commands us to “abhor (or hate) what is evil and cling to what is good” (Romans 12:9), but this is an example of a general command of Scripture. Defining evil should be based on explicit biblical commands specifically naming evil.

The danger of misapplying I  Thessalonians 5:22 becomes even more significant when one remembers that Jesus condemned the Pharisees for judging based on appearances. They were quick to label and condemn people based on superficial evaluations of appearance.

7. The desire to appear righteous before others 

Jesus rebuked the Pharisees saying, “You like to appear righteous in public, but God knows your hearts. What this world honors is detestable in the sight of God” (Luke 16:15, NLT).

On one occasion, Jesus exposed this tendency by saying, “John the Baptist has come eating no bread and drinking no wine; and you say, ‘He has a demon!’  The Son of Man has come eating and drinking; and you say, ‘Behold, a gluttonous man, and a drunkard, a friend of tax-gatherers and sinners!’”  (Luke 7:33-34).

God rebuked this tendency long ago when He said to Samuel, “God sees not as man sees, for man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart” (1 Samuel 16:7). It’s much too easy to allow this form of Pharisaic judgmentalism to enter our hearts! We must reject the tendency of hastily arriving at judgmental conclusions based on superficial evaluation of outward appearances.

Steve Cornell

(Chart on How to become a legalist by Voddie Baucham)

The complexity of self-hatred

The painful cycles of self-hatred

Unnecessary confusion about God

Why doesn’t God decree what He desires?

6 action points for discouraged people

Finding our way out of despondency

5 Reasons leaders make leading about themselves

Insecure leaders are dangerous