When counseling others…

Care-Ministry-Logo-FOR-WEBMeaningful relationships will involve opportunities to encourage and counsel others. Consider some practical guidelines for being an effective friend when giving counsel to others.

1. Slow down and listen

  • Proverbs 18:13 – “If one gives an answer before he hears, it is his folly and shame.”
  • James 1:19 – “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak…”
  • Proverbs 18:17 – “The first to present his case seems right, till another comes forward and questions him.”
  • Proverbs 20:5 – “The purposes of a man’s heart are deep waters, but a man of understanding draws them out.”

2. Counsel the whole person (avoid the trap of being one-dimensional)

Three dimensions of life

  1. Physical beings with bodily needs
  2. Social beings with relationship needs
  3. Spiritual beings with spiritual needs

Three dimensions of personhood

  1. Intellect (mind, thoughts, imagination)
  2. Will (volition, decision-making)
  3. Emotions (affections, feelings)

3. Consider four keys to influence

  1. Develop a relationship of trust and respect
  2. Know the right time and place (avoid giving uninvited advice)
  3. Know how to say something (suggest, suggest…) Not – “You should…” or “You need to …” But – “I have found helpful… What has helped us…” “A Scripture that has helped think about this is…”
  4. Be humble and sympathetic (Hebrews 4:15)

 4. Follow seven guidelines

  1. Give them a full line of moral credit (dignity and respect)
  2. Listen for the whole story (the story behind the story)
  3. Weigh the effects of each dimension of life and personhood
  4. Ask if they are weak or willful (encouragement or rebuke)
  5. Expose false or unrealistic ways of thinking
  6. Provide truth to counter wrong thinking
  7. Map a path to life as it was meant to be – all dimensions in view.

 5. Three callings for life together …

  • Bear with one anotherEphesians 4:2 – “Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love”
  • Build up one anotherRomans 14:19 -“Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification (building others up)”
  • Accept one anotherRomans 15:7 – “Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God.”

6. Two principles for conflicts

  1. Confronting in love – Ephesians 4:15 “…speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ” (Matthew18:15)
  2. Covering in love I Peter 4:8 – Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.” * Proverbs 10:12 “Hatred stirs up dissension, but love covers over all wrongs.

Steve Cornell


About Wisdomforlife

Just another worker in God's field.
This entry was posted in Accountability, Christian Counselor, Church Leadership, Church membership, Communication, Community, Counseling, elders in the Church, Encouragement, Local Church, Wisdom and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

1 Response to When counseling others…

  1. Reblogged this on Wisdomforlife and commented:

    Consider four keys to influence. Counsel the whole person. Follow seven guidelines


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