Conflict over sex is common in marriage.
Couples who are dating or engaged tend to be confused by this fact. “Why would sex be a problem?” they ask.
The reason for conflict is the very thing that makes it possible. It involves male and female. Men and women approach sex very differently.
Understanding this difference is important for minimizing the conflict.
When it comes to sex, I suggest that men are like the microwave and women are like the crock pot.
Let me explain.
- The act of sex registers more with men than the relationship leading up to it.
- The relationship leading up to sex tends to be more important for women.
Prescription for a better love life
Husbands must be more intentional in cultivating relationship and wives should try to be more intentional and take initiative in the area of sex.
When I teach on this subject, I remind wives that when a man goes to bed with a woman, there is a good chance he thinks about sex most nights. But when he feels like he always has to be the one to initiate or even has to “ask for sex” with his wife, a man’s self-respect will be damaged in ways that lead to other problems.
This is particularly problematic when a woman used sexual advances to win a man before marriage and then shuts down sexually in marriage. In these cases, deeper changes in thinking need to happen to protect the marriage.
Open communication is essential. Couples must unite to minimize sexual frustration.
Prolonged sexual abstinence in marriage is forbidden in Scripture. In fact, Scripture specifically identifies this as an opportunity for the evil one to tempt married people because of lack of self-control (see: I Corinthians 7:3-5).
Wives can be a source of protection for their husbands in the area of sexual temptation (I Corinthians 7:5). I don’t say this to blame a wife when a man refuses to resist temptation. Yet it’s all too common for wives not to take the sexual part of marriage as seriously as they should.
See also – “Do you wish you had more sex in your marriage?”