Choosing someone to be your husband or wife is one of the most important and often scary decisions of life.
It’s certainly not a decision to be left to good fortune. As with other important decisions, it’s wise to seek wise counsel about what to look for in a future mate.
For the past 23 years, I’ve taught a class (each fall semester) on how to choose a mate. My aim is to help singles make one of their most important decisions one of their best decisions.
Some of the headings below are from a few of the articles I use in the class. The various lists provide excellent points for discussions with friends or in premarital counseling and small groups. If you’re interested in any of the articles that go with the different lists below, let us know by email (firstname.lastname@example.org)
How to Know If Your in Love: (12 Tests)
- The test of time
- The test of Knowledge
- The test of Focus
- The test of singularity
- The test of security
- The test of work
- The test of problem solving
- The test of distance
- The test of physical attraction
- The test of affection
- The test of stability
- The test of delayed gratification
Five Questions for Personal Evaluation
- As you review the twelve tests for recognizing love, which three do you find it easiest to practice in a relationship?
- Which three tests indicate that some aspects of your relationship are rooted in infatuation rather than genuine love?
- How does having these twelve measurable factors help you in evaluating your present (or future) relationships?
- What one test provided the greatest personal challenge to the way you think about “being in love”?
- What specific action steps might help you meet that challenge?
Eight Good Reasons This is Not the One
- You are not in sync spiritually
- You see major character flaws
- You are not romantically attracted
- You are having to work too hard
- You are constantly fighting
- You have been abused
- You are not top priority in his/her life
- You are constantly changing to please him/her
Are You in Love With The Wrong One?
How do you break it off:
20 Questions About “The Right One”
- Can you talk ?
- Can you play?
- Can you work together?
- Do you have mutual friends?
- Are you proud of each other?
- Are you intellectually on the same level?
- Do you have common interests?
- Do you share the same values – honesty, cleanliness, Church, roles?
- Do you feel comfortable with how you make decisions together?
- Do you help each other emotionally?
- Do you have absolute trust in each other?
- Are you more creative and energetic because of each other?
- Do you help each other grow closer to God?
- Can we accept and appreciate each other’s family?
- Do you have unresolved relationships in your past?
- Is sex under control?
- Have you spent enough time together?
- Have you fought and forgiven?
- Have you talked about each area of your future life?
- Have you had counseling?