Formula E429 could change your life!

One of the best ways to improve our communication is to replace destructive tones with constructive ways of speaking to each other.

Words of appreciation and encouragement are excellent alternatives to ugly tones of grumbling, whining; impatience, frustration and defensiveness.

Think of how many times we could defuse a situation by choosing better words and tones. Parents especially need to ask if their words and tones set the right example for their children. 

Use Formula E429 to remind yourself of God’s will for our speech. The formula is based on Ephesians 4:29 – “Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.” (Ephesians 4:29, NLT).

Then apply a large dose of the first two characteristics of love: “Love is patient, Love is kind…” (I Corinthians 13:4).

This could literally change your life and the lives of those close to you!

WARNING LABEL

This advice comes with a warning about how easily we excuse our attitudes, words and tones by pointing to the difficult people around us. Remember the basic truth that the only person you can change is yourself. But by working on self-correction and experiencing personal change, we can powerfully influence others. So if you feel stuck in a bad place, find ways that you can change your attitudes, words and tones. But start with the words and tones you use because this discipline will make you face and confront your attitudes and emotions.

Recognize how all of this change fits under the work God is doing in your life based on these truths:

“Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.  And we all … are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit” (II Corinthians 3:17-18, NIV).

“Work hard to show the results of your salvation, obeying God with deep reverence and fear. For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases him” (Philippians 2:12-13).

I have work to do. Will you join me?

Steve Cornell 

See also: Spiritual Depression

Are you a social cannibal?

      Beware of social cannibals

Some people enjoy bad news about others. They savor bits of gossip and slander. You might want to keep your distance from them. They give you the feeling that they might like to hear a little bad news about you. Let’s call these people social cannibals.

The analogy works because they’re the kind of people who feed on weaknesses in others to feel good about themselves. Like hungry cannibals savoring the flesh of another person, social cannibals take pleasure in the problems, difficulties and failures of others. It’s dangerous to be in their company because you might end up in their pot.

Have you ever been transparent about a personal misfortune only to feel that someone found a bit of pleasure in your circumstances? Sometimes it’s expressed in a little laughter and you’re not sure if indicates a strange enjoyment in what you shared. Be careful, you might be facing a social cannibal.

Have you ever caught yourself enjoying a bit of bad news about another person? Maybe you publicly feigned concern over the “unfortunate” news, while quietly finding pleasure in it. 

We must be humble enough to admit that this kind of response reveals, “human antagonism in one of its basest and most unheroic forms” (Cornelius Plantinga Jr.). It is also a sin of the heart that is detestable to God (Pr. 6:16-19).

Why are we drawn to bad news about others? Could it be a diversionary tactic to make us feel better about ourselves? We must guard against this deeply sinful and destructive tendency. 

Social cannibalism is a predatory form of behavior that can be found in every culture and class of people. It tends to be more prevalent among refined and ostensibly religious people. The Germans call the behavior schadenfreude. The word refers to a twisted kind of pleasure in the misfortune of others. Social cannibals threaten good relationships and destroy wholesome community. Are you a social cannibal?

  •  “A talebearer reveals secrets, but he who is of a faithful spirit conceals a matter” (Pr. 11:13).
  •  “Without wood a fire goes out; without a gossip a quarrel dies down. As charcoal to embers and as wood to fire, so is a quarrelsome person for kindling strife” (Pr. 26:20-22).
  • “But let none of you suffer as …. a busybody in other people’s matters” (1 Pet. 4:15).

See: Social Cannibals

Steve Cornell

Overcome mediocrity and misery with a grateful heart

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Are you a moderately grateful person? Are you slow to give thanks and quick to complain?

It’s a sign of mediocrity when you express gratitude with moderation. It’s also a sign of a heart that is moving away from God. We are called, not just to give thanks, but to be extravagantly grateful!

“In everything give thanks; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. ” (I Thessalonians 5:18). Spirit-filled people are “always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ” (Ephesians 5:20).
 Extravagantly! 

Living in the will of God involves far more than finding a few things to be thankful for on a day called Thanksgiving.  “What I have found is that the rhythm of divine renewal beats in the pulse of a purposefully grateful heart” (Ellen Vaughn, Radical Gratitude).

Gratitude also just happens to be one of the best remedies for discouragement. But small doses of gratitude will not lift us out of despondency. “Cultivating a grateful heart is not just an add-on nicety, a civil tip of the hat to God as we steamroll through our day. A posture of purposeful, perpetual thanks to God is absolutely central to Christian character” (Ellen Vaughn).  



We need divine renewal of joy when despondency threatens our hearts. There’s a deep connection between restored joy and a thankful heart. Un-thankfulness is more than a personal matter; it’s a spiritual issue that affects fellowship with God and joy in God. It’s also a loss of perspective that offends God. 



We are called by God to “engage in the perpetual dialogue of gratitude” and, when we do this, we “turn the tide, rather than follow along on the lazy downward spiral of negativity.” (Vaughn)



Do you easily lean toward the downward spiral of negativity? Do you tend to always see what’s wrong in life? Do you focus more on what you don’t have than what you have? Ungrateful people take the path of laziness that leads to mediocrity and misery. Never forget that those who rejected God “neither glorified him as God nor gave thanks to him” (Romans 1:21). 



Yet some find it hard to be thankful because of the suffering and loss they’ve experienced. Life can be hard and painful. C. S. Lewis wisely recommended that, “We ought to give thanks for all fortune: if it is ‘good,’ because it is good, if ‘bad’ because it works in us patience, humility and the contempt of this world and the hope of our eternal country.”



If you’ve suffered a difficult loss, ask God to help you and lift you to a better place to gain a clearer vision of your eternal home (see: John 14:1-3; Hebrews 12:14-15).

“Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal” (II Corinthians 4:16-18, NIV).

When it’s difficult to be extravagantly grateful, pour out your heart to, “the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God (II Corinthians 1:3-4).

Approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that you may receive mercy and find grace to help you in your time of need (Hebrews 4:16). The way out of a tunnel of deep sadness is to engage in the worship of extravagant gratitude.

“Gratitude is happiness doubled by wonder” (G. K. Chesterton).

Three categories for thanksgiving

  • Spiritual
  • Relational 
  • Material 

The psalmist wrote, “Praise the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits” (Psalm 103:2). 


I am grateful that, ‘As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him; for he knows how we are formed, he remembers that we are dust’” (Psalm 103:13-14).

I am grateful that, ‘God, who said, “Let light shine out of darkness,” made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of God’s glory displayed in the face of Christ. But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us’” (II Corinthians 4:6-7). 



Prayer - “God, please help me to flourish in your will by becoming an extravagantly grateful servant.”

Finish this sentence: ”I am grateful for …………”

with gratitude,



Steve Cornell


 

People who are discontent

People who are discontent with their lives tend to spread dis-contentment to otherwise grateful people.

If you spend too much time with the discontent, you’ll find it difficult to shake their negative spirit. 

Discontentment can sneak up on people when maturity gives way to melancholy and an overall disincentive or loss of motivation. But a life of diminished hope and deflated resignation can slowly become a life of justified pessimism or even dark cynicism. 

Run with positive, uplifting, and encouraging people to avoid the infectious poison of dis-contentment. God calls us to be extravagantly grateful! A moderately grateful person is not doing life in the will of God. 

“In everything give thanks; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. ” (I Thessalonians 5:18). Spirit-filled people are “always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ” (Ephesians 5:20).
 

Redirect those who are negative toward more God-honoring perspectives on life. “Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” (I Corinthians 13:7). “Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance” (NLT).

A few extra thoughts:

  • “…the rhythm of divine renewal beats in the pulse of a purposefully grateful heart” (Ellen Vaughn, Radical Gratitude).
  • “Gratitude is happiness doubled by wonder” (G. K. Chesterton).
  • “We ought to give thanks for all fortune: if it is ‘good,’ because it is good, if ‘bad’ because it works in us patience, humility and the contempt of this world and the hope of our eternal country” (C. S. Lewis).

What are you thankful for today?

Steve Cornell

Get perspective!

It’s easy to lose perspective in a fallen world. Have you ever had a time when processing life became difficult? A time when you found it hard to keep a good and godly perspective?

There are many examples in Scripture of godly people who lost perspective about God and life.

Servants of God like Job (Job 3:10-13,16); Moses (Numbers 11:13-15); Elijah (I Kings 19:1-4), and Jonah (Jonah 4:1-10), all lost perspective so badly that they wanted to die.

Perspective (or how we choose to see things) can make a big difference in the quality of life.  We can’t always choose our circumstances but we can usually choose our perspective toward them.

Some life-controlling perspectives

1. Discouragement

Maybe you’re discouraged. Life has been hard and you’re having trouble seeing through your difficulties. Discouragement, at a deeper level, is a loss of perspective.

2. Negativity

Do you expect the worse to happen? Do tend to see the dark side of things first? Perhaps through setbacks or disappointments, you’ve even become very negative, cynical and sarcastic. You’re looking at life through the lens of pessimism but you feel like your just being realistic.

3. Anger

Are resentment and anger your primary lens for life? Perhaps you always have a slow burn under an outwardly pleasant veneer. Anger can erupt at any time and rule your life. Is anger an occasional disruption or the way you process most of life?

4. Complacency

Have you become complacent? Perhaps you’ve just stop caring because you feel that caring doesn’t help and often leads to hurt. Maybe you’ve drifted from God and you no longer take spiritual matters very seriously. 

5. Self-absorbed

Are you all about yourself? Is life about how you feel and what you want and you, you, you? Does it always have to be your way and about you?

All of these involve perspectives — ways of seeing things or construing life. What is your general outlook on life? Does you feel like your attitude is caught in a bad flight pattern? If you’re stuck in one of the perspectives above, you might need some counseling to help you move forward (some perspective sessions).

And please remember that your perspective not only affects you. All of those who must relate with you or who are under your influence are affected by your perspective.

How to keep a good and godly perspective

My recommendation for maintaining a good and godly perspective is as simple as it is profound. And it might change the way you approach the Bible and thus change your whole outlook on life in a way that conforms to God’s will.

We simply must recognize that all Scripture was given for perspective formation.

Consider what the Apostle Paul taught about the origin and role of Scripture: 

II Timothy 3:16-17

“All Scripture is inspired by God and is useful to:

  1. teach us what is true and
  2. to make us realize what is wrong in our lives.
  3. It corrects us when we are wrong and
  4. teaches us to do what is right.

God uses it to prepare and equip his people to do every good work.” (NLT)

God’s Method

God’s method for changing you is that you “be transformed by the renewing of your mind” (Romans 12:2). Ephesians 4:23 describes it as being “made new in the attitude of your minds.” God is committed to changing your outlook, attitude or perspective! (cf. Philippians 2:3-5).

Romans 14:13 specifically challenges us regarding this:

“Rather, clothe yourselves with the Lord Jesus Christ, and do not think about (προνοιαν) how to gratify the desires of the sinful nature.” 

The italicized words in english come from a greek term which means “a pro-visionary way of thinking.” Another translation says, “make no provision for the flesh” (NASB). Another says, “don’t let yourself think about ways to indulge your evil desires” (NLT)

To overcome sinful attitudes, perspectives and emotions, one must see things differently. One must “put on the Lord Jesus Christ.” How does an appropriation of Christ to one’s life (clothe yourselves with the Lord Jesus Christ) offer a different pro-visionary thinking? How does it provide a gospel-based outlook that counter-veils the wrong way of thinking?

Two Provisions from God

Perspective is often closely associated with personality or temperment. Transformation in this area doesn’t mean that we all become the same personality type or temperament, but that we all yield our personalities and temperaments to the transforming influences of two divine provisions:

  1. The Spirit inspired Word - all Scripture.
  2. The Spirit indwell community - the reinforcement of godly perspective through connection with our local Church.

Notice that the Holy Spirit is the agent of spiritual transformation (see, II Corinthians 3:18) and His two primary instruments are the Word (Scripture) and the Church — the community of believers (see, Hebrews 3:12-13; 10:24-25).

We believe that Scripture is God’s revelation of Himself and His ways of dealing with His creatures. Apart from it, we’re reduced to subjective human opinion and speculation about God, life, suffering, death and eternity. We would have nothing that offers univocal and universal authority transcending human culture and opinion. We would have many human stories but no original story to shape perspective. The Bible provides this for us!

Of course, the Bible was not originally written to us – but it was all written for us. And it presents God’s dealings through different times of history — which means we do not apply all of it the same way. We must “rightly handle it” (II Timothy 2:15).

So when reading the Bible, some things relate specifically to the original recipients (and seem foreign and strange to us) —-but from the text emerges truths that transcend time and culture! (Examples: II Corinthians 1:3-5, 8-9; 4:16-18; 12:7-10; James 1:1-5).

When you enter the Bible, I am encouraging you to see it as a “perspective formation session with God.” Your personal devotions offer a time to get perspective or to maintain godly perspective. 

Again, all scripture is given for perspective formation.

Three unique perspectives 

What the Bible offers is different from positive thinking books or other material in that it confronts us with:

  1. Vertical truths for the horizontal issues of life
  2. Eternal truths for the temporal circumstances of life
  3. God-centered truths for the self-centered default mode of life.

The Bible also answers really important questions about origin, meaning, morality and destiny. 

Remember that behind actions, emotions, and attitudes are ways of thinking (perspectives) that fortify the actions, emotions, and attitudes.

Why do I do this? (you’re struggling with habits and actions). Why do I feel this way? (you’re struggling with emotions). What we need is counter-veiling ways of thinking (perspectives) to confront ways of thinking that hold us in destructive ways of life. This is the role the Bible fulfills.

Loss of perspective must be challenged by daily perspective forming sessions with God.                                        

Don’t try this alone

We cannot do this alone. God designed that we flourish in community not in isolation. We must allow others to speak into our lives to reinforce vertical, eternal, God-centered perspectives. The Church is God’s ordained place for this to happen. 

When we lose perspective, we’re tempted to travel in the company of those who share our outlook. “Misery likes company.” To maintain good and godly perspective, we need to travel with people who reinforce it (see: Hebrews 10:24). 

Steve Cornell

For those who battle discouragement

If we’re not careful the setbacks and discouragements of life can begin to define our spirit. 

This often happens when maturity gives way to melancholy and leads to an overall disincentive, loss of motivation and diminished hope. But can setbacks and defeat actually lead to a deflated kind of resignation — even to cynicism and bitterness? Yes.     

A clouded perspective can easily turn into a dark and negative outlook that expects the worst most of the time. But always remember that pessimism and bitterness are infectious and defiling (see, Hebrews 12:15). They spread in ways that hurt others.

The way out

We must come to terms with the connection between loss of godly optimism and a decreased practice of gratitude. “It’s a sign of mediocrity when you demonstrate gratitude with moderation.”

If you’ve lost the vital optimism of life, the path of recovery must include a renewed discipline of gratitude. To shake a spirit of discouragement, we must learn to, “Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus” (I Thessalonians 5:18). 

Spirit-filled people are “always giving thanks to God the Father foreverything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ” (Ephesians 5:18-20).

Scriptures to encourage you

  • Isaiah 40:30-31 – “Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” (NIV)
  • II Corinthians 4:7-9 - “But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us. We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed.” (ESV)
  • II Corinthians 4:16-18 – “So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.” (ESV)
  • II Corinthians 12:9-10 – “But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”
  • Romans 12:11-14 – “Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with the Lord’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality. Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse.” (NIV)
  • Hebrews 11:6 - “And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.”

What are you thankful for today?

A song to lift you

Steve Cornell

It doesn’t feel good to be a Christian

Zac Northen wrote a perceptive piece over at Relevant Magazine titled, Can Inner Peace be Misleading?

His call is timely for many people:

“We need to develop the wisdom for living a life that is comfortable with being uncomfortable, and accept the fact that it sometimes doesn’t feel good to be a Christian on the straight and narrow.”

“… many people believe …. God’s main job is to make us feel good about ourselves and remain happy on our journey…”

“In this approach to following Jesus, there is no place for ambiguity, tension, struggle or any sense of anxiety. It’s a lot easier to believe that abundant life comes without pain and struggle. This mentality, however, directly opposes the type of self-denying life Jesus lived (Luke 22:42), and the inward dying and external pain Paul wrote about (2 Corinthians 4:7-12, Romans 5:3-5).”

C.S. Lewis explains in Mere Christianity, “Comfort is the one thing you cannot get by looking for it. If you look for truth, you may find comfort in the end: If you look for comfort you will not get either comfort or truth—only soft soap and wishful thinking to begin with—and, in the end, despair.”

“We cannot follow Christ faithfully unless we are following Him into the world’s pain, tension and aching complexity. We must remember we follow a King who enters a broken world, then willingly chooses the Cross (John 10:17-18).”

For more on the subject of the role of inner peace, see: Inner Promptings?

Steve Cornell

Responding to disappointments

When my dis-appointment becomes His-appointment.

As a communicator, I always find it interesting to notice what people respond to and remember.

This past sunday, I gave a message about hope being a distinguishing mark of those who represent Christ.

My title for the current series is “Agents of Grace: Representing the One who brought you into His grace.” 

For the past three weeks, we’ve asked what people should notice in us as we live out Colossians 3:17 - 

“And whatever you do or say, do it (in the name of) as a representative of the Lord Jesus…” (NLT).

Our focus has been on three primary marks of character: Humility, love and hope.

I demonstrated how all three are deeply connected and this week I wrapped it up by looking at hope. The post prior to this offers a closer look at hope

I suggested in my message that some of us might need to do some significant repenting after hearing what I have to share. When we’ve allowed a dark and pessimistic outlook to become our way of approaching life, it should alert us to a need for spiritual transformation. 

Perhaps we’ve held to the idea that God is supposed to take away all our problems and give us the good life in the here and now. So when difficulties and setbacks come, we spiral into a state of spiritual confusion and become too easily discouraged.

At one level, this is a profoundly distorted understanding of what it means to follow Jesus. Life in a fallen world is hard. Life lived for God in a fallen world is (on many accounts) harder. What I mean is that following Christ will put you at odds with the primary direction of the world around you and the flesh within you. It’s just tough at times.

Yet this should not catch us by surprise if we read our New Testament. A good bit of what is written is focused on how to understand and respond to  hardship. Very early in the life of the NT Church, believers received instruction on how to respond to trials and temptations (James 1:2-18). 

New Testament letters like II Corinthians and Hebrews are permeated with emphasis on God’s purposes in life’s hardships. It is very important for us to understand these truths to protect us from the defeating power of discouragement. 

Hope is meant to be an evident quality in the lives of those who represent Jesus Christ (I Peter 3:14-15) and this will not be the case if we allow a spirit of negativity and pessimism to control our lives. 

Believers should be the most optimistically realistic people on the planet. But for this to be true, our hope must reach beyond the momentary passing years we live on earth. Please take time to listen to the message I gave on this topic. The audio link is available here.

One of the things I said in my message that made the pens come out was a piece of advice given to me by a Christian businessman in my early years of Church planting. Faced with setbacks and disappointments, I shared some of the challenges with this man and he said, “Whenever I have disappointments in life, I try to remember to drop the “d” and replace it with an “H”.

My disappointment then becomes Hisappointment

This was not a Bible verse but it captured well the teaching of the NT on how to understand and respond to trials, setbacks and disappointments. 

Here are some verses that offer insight into God’s purposes in our trials:

  • Romans 5:3-5 “we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.”
  • II Corinthians 4:16-18 “Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.”
  • James 1:2-5 “Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.”

Steve Cornell

The history of envy

The history of envy begins with the ambition of angels (“I will make myself like the Most High,” Isaiah 14:14) and leads to the suspicion of Eden (“You will be like God…” Genesis 3:1-6).

Envy emerges in the first human family as an insidious motive to the first recorded act of homicide (Genesis 4). 

Cain, “who belonged to the evil one and murdered his brother” (I John 3:12), allowed envy to be a prelude of the heart to homicide (Genesis 4). But envy was also the motive behind the most vicious crime of history: “the leading priests had arrested Jesus out of envy” (Mark 15:10).

It’s particularly sobering to consider how envy is fueled by the all too common sins of ingratitude and discontentment. It feeds on a surveying spirit of resentment with the lethal potential of becoming hatred. Envy vandalizes joy and joyful community. 

Someone suggested that envy is a venom whose anti-venom is hard to find. The only anti-venom powerful enough is love — which “…does not delight in evil” (I Corinthians 13:5-6).

As it intensifies, envy targets its object and desires to destroy it. An envious person doesn’t merely covet what another has; he resents him for having it. The envious person wants to see you fall; to see you lose; to see you suffer. Envy is evil and vicious but it ultimately destroys the person who relishes in it. “Envy rots the bones, but a heart at peace gives life to the body” (Proverbs 14:30).

Envy fuels a form of social cannibalism. It’s a predatory behavior that can be found early in life as siblings tattle on each other and find pleasure in seeing a brother or sister get in trouble. But don’t think the behavior is left with childhood. Adults are just as guilty — albeit in more disguised ways. This is a universal evil found in every culture and class of people. It’s often prevalent among the refined and ostensibly religious people. The Germans call it schadenfreude – a twisted and sadistic pleasure in the misfortune of others. 

See: Are you a social cannibal? 

Steve Cornell

Watch your tone!

It’s not always what you say but how you say it.

Do you tend to use a negative tone in communication? Did you grow up in a home where you were exposed to negative or cynical voice tones? 

Slow down and Listen to yourself. Be honest with yourself.

When one of the tones listed below is prominent in your way of communicating, it points to deeper issues — heart issues that must be resolved. 

12 destructive tones

    1. Condescending
    2. Bossy
    3. Angry
    4. Snobby
    5. Frustrated
    6. Impatient
    7. Defensive
    8. Moody
    9. Distant
    10. Disrespectful
    11. Cynical
    12. Whining

One of the best ways to change our communication is to replace destructive tones with constructive ways of speaking to each other. An obvious example would be to replace gossip or slander with positive words about others. Words of appreciation and encouragement are excellent alternatives to the dark tones of grumbling and whining. 


Use the formula E429 to remind yourself of God’s will for our speech. This formula is based on Ephesians 4:29 –  

“Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.” (Ephesians 4:29, NLT).

Steve Cornell