Restoring Broken Relationships by Steve Cornell

 

 

Having any relationship problems? Why can’t people relate peacefully with each other? Obviously, this is not a new issue for humanity but it seems that things have become so bad that the word dysfunctional has become an expected norm for relationships. Many young people cannot even  imagine healthy relationships because they’ve never  observed them. There is a clear urgency to this topic that is hard to overstate. The study outline below offers basic guidance for understanding and restoring broken relationships. Special emphasis is placed on forgiveness and reconciliation. Get ready to be equipped for serving others!

 

1. Made for Relationships—in the image of the Triune God: (See: John 17:20-26)

        ”It is not good for the man to be alone” God Said. This was the first indication of  the need for relationships. Since then the pattern has been consistent—male and female then family and community.

 

1. Broken Relationships—Why can’t we get along with each other?!

Where it all began: (Genesis 3; cf. Isaiah 53:6)– sIn

Every area of human existence affected by the first rebellion:

 

1.     Physiological: death, decay, sickness and suffering

2.     Psychological: shame, guilt, fear

3.     Sociological: blame shifting, alienation

4.     Ecological: ground is cursed, thorns and thistles

5.     Spiritual: hiding from God, enmity: seed of woman & seed of Serpent

6.     Epistemological: distorted thinking, spiritual blindness (II Cor. 4:3-4)

7.     Criminal: Genesis 4—Murder!

 

Cain: full membership in the kingdom of Satan:

       I John 3:12, “Cain, who belonged to the evil one”

 He bore the family traits:  self-governing rebellion, envy, anger,                                                                                                                                                                                                contempt toward authority, hatred, bitterness, lying, murder…

 

1. The vandalism of shalom—not at peace with…yourself, others, the environment, and God.

 

Why do relationships fail? From the beginning sin has been a separating force vandalizing shalom. The fault line runs through every human heart. Consider: Adam and Eve; Cain and Abel; Sarah and Hagar; Isaac and Ishmael; Jacob and Esau; Joseph and his brothers; David and Saul; etc… The pattern is unmistakably clear. “All of us like sheep have gone astray; each of us has turned to his own way” (Isaiah 53:6). (Visit Galatians 5:19-20)

 

1. Restoration of relationships—there is hope in Christ…but….

II Corinthians 5:17-21

 

Ephesians 4:3–It takes work! Nothing good comes (or remains) easily

“If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” (Romans12:18 )

 

 

1. Some relationships should be avoided –dangerous people are out there

Proverbs 22:24: “Do not make friends with a hot-tempered man,
          do not associate with one easily angered,” (cf. Proverbs 1-9). See: http://thinkpoint.wordpress.com/2007/03/06/warning-dangerous-people-in-the-church/

Some relationships must be carefully defined—distance might be necessary. Setting relationship boundaries is designed to both protect us and promote conviction in an offender’s life. Sometimes we need to simply commit the situation to the Lord and accept the change of relationship. But distance should never be used as revenge.

 

see: http://thinkpoint.wordpress.com/2007/07/17/seven-signs-of-true-repentance/

 

 

1. Top priority: Reconciled relationships among God’s people

Matthew 5:23-24 (compared with worship); 18:15-17—in the community of Jesus’ followers.

1. Two principles & two types of grievance: 

1. Covering in love for minor grievances: allowing for an unbroken relationship. (I Peter 4:8 )

2. Confronting in love for serious offenses: a wedge driven between two people requires confrontation in love (Matthew 18:15-17; Ephesians 4:15a).

Note: In cases involving violent crimes, it is often best (and the only safe option) that no contact occur between the victim and the perpetrator.

This confrontation is the beginning of the process of reconciliation.

                                                                                                                 

1. When to apply the two principles:

 

“If you decide to overlook an offense, you should not simply file it away in your memory for later use against the other person.  Instead, you need to forgive the offense in a biblical way: making a commitment not to dwell on it or to use it against the other person in the future. If you cannot overlook the offense this way, or if overlooking it would not be biblically appropriate, talk to the other person about it in a loving and constructive manner.”  (The Peacemaker, Ken Sande, p. 64).

 

 

“People often ask: ‘Wouldn’t it be better just to let a matter die and not raise the question afresh, thereby starting more trouble?’  The issue resolves itself to this: whether or not the offended person really finds it possible to let the problem die.  Plainly every rub and offense cannot be raised and settled.  We must learn, in love, to forgive and pass by many slights, annoyances, and offenses.  Christ is not speaking of these in Mt. 5 & 18.  Rather, he speaks of those offenses that brethren find it difficult to ‘cover.’  If a matter is likely to rattle around inside or carry over till the next day, it should be handled.  To put it another way, if an offense drives a wedge between Christian brothers, the wedge must be removed by reconciliation.  To say it a third say: anything that causes an unreconciled condition to exist between brethren must be dealt with.” (p. 52, The Christian Counselors Manual, Jay Adams). 

 

This is where Matthew 5 and 18 apply. On the one hand, if we feel the necessity of talking to others about an offense instead of our offender, this may indicate a need for loving confrontation. On the other hand, if we are involved in constant confrontation, we need to be more mature in our love. When love is weak or lacking, suspicion, misunderstanding, and conflict increase. Where love is strong, many minor offenses are passed over and forgiven (I Pet. 1:22).

 

 

1.  An important distinction: forgiveness and reconciliation

 

Does forgiveness require an offended person to immediately restore a broken relationship no matter how seriously it was damaged? Or, is possible to forgive an offender without being reconciled to him? When people assume that forgiveness must lead to immediate reconciliation, they often struggle to genuinely forgive those who hurt them.

 

We must explore this distinction by learning the biblical view of forgiveness and reconciliation.

 

see: http://thinkpoint.wordpress.com/2007/07/28/forgiveness-is-one-thing-reconciliation-is-another/ 

 

Love hurts: Is it worth the risk?

Have you ever been hurt by love? A Scottish rock band from the 70’s connected with people all over the world when they sang, “Love hurts, love scars, Love wounds, and marks, Any heart, not tough, Or strong, enough To take a lot of pain, Take a lot of pain…ooh ooh love hurts.”

Some have been hurt so badly by love that they are unwilling to risk loving again. But love is always risky and life without love is empty. Whenever we give ourselves to a deeply loving relationship, we become vulnerable. Ask a widow or widower if the loss of love hurts. Ask parents how much pain they feel when one of their children strays into destructive behavior. Think of the pain caused by divorce. Yes, love hurts. 

Several years ago, I got a real lesson in how many people have been hurt by love. I was the guest speaker at a large conference for singles. My theme focused on making the decision of marriage. More than three hundred singles attended the conference and half of them were single again through divorce. It quickly became apparent that many in my audience had been significantly hurt in previous relationships.  

These singles faced conflicting desires. They wanted to have a marriage relationship in the future but had no intention of being hurt again. As a result, they built protective walls around themselves that hindered their ability to step toward marriage. Midway into the conference, I addressed the dynamic I sensed among them. You could have heard a pin drop when I did this. They knew they faced a self-constructed obstacle and they welcomed someone addressing it.

I reminded them that to love is to become vulnerable. The wall they had built for protection also imprisoned them. The risk of reliving the hurt was so great that they (almost unknowingly) developed protective mechanisms that hindered their ability to cultivate relationships.

What they needed to realize was that those unwilling risk loving often end up in undesired lives of isolation and loneliness. In fact, if a community decided to take the low-risk approach to love, it would become shallow and superficial—ultimately destroying itself.

I encouraged these singles to remember the simple fact that life in this world hurts. Others had to risk being hurt when they loved us and most of us would admit that we have hurt those who loved us. Giving yourself to another in love is risky because we live in a world full of potential hurts. Some are misunderstood or taken for granted; others are betrayed or abandoned. Some suffer by watching a loved one suffer; others suffer loss of a loved one. Love will always hurt in a fallen world. But through hurts we can become stronger and wiser if we respond positively.

Now, if you’ve been hurt by a relationship due to carelessness on your own part, learn from your hurts. Make changes in your own life and become wiser in how you approach relationships. Remember that those who choose to be bitter and aloof lock themselves in a prison of fear and loneliness.   

We all need to think more deeply about love. Cultural understandings of love are shallow and self-absorbed. They’re often reduced to emotion and infatuation. I am convinced that we could minimize some of the hurt from love if we abandoned cultural distortions of it. Returning dignity to love is essential if we hope to stop the tide of brokenness in our culture.

Love is a value word. To love someone is to place a value upon them. “I love you” could be exchanged with “I value you.” Love is also a term of devotion or commitment. “I love you” in this case could be phrased, “I am devoted to you”. To say, “I don’t love you anymore” should be understood as, “I choose not to value you or remain devoted to you.” 

To love someone is also to seek what is best for that person as God defines best. Sometimes this will mean confronting a loved one rather than being an enabler. If love is mature, of course, it will overlook many little offences and be full of grace and forgiveness. But Love cannot thrive where dishonesty is allowed. It is not love to allow a loved one to live in self-destructive deception. When love takes this function sometimes it will be misconstrued as hurting. But loving must always be based on God’s definition of what is best. 

Love from God’s perspective is self-giving to the point of hurt. God loved unloving people like us and it hurt him. Scripture says that “God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8). God’s love for us is the example to follow and the basis for our security (see: Romans 8:38-39) and love for others.  

God’s love gives us strength to risk loving others. Another popular song from the 70’s picks up this theme. Singers Bill & Gloria Gaither challenged those afraid to be vulnerable enough to love with the words: “I am loved! I am loved! I can risk loving you, For the One who knows me best loves me most.” 

Steve Cornell

Unresolved Issues: Deal with them before they destroy you

New Audio Message:

Unresolved Issues:

Deal with them before they destroy you! 

http://www.millersvillebiblechurch.org/_audio/Are%20You%20Hesitant%20to%20Reconcile%208-19-07.mp3  

Qualities of True Love & Communication covenant

Qualities of True Love:

God is love! To be godly, we MUST be loving. What does love look like? Here it is–reachable, measuarble and real–only through the power of the Holy Spirit–whose first fruit in our lives is LOVE (Galatians 5:21-22). Check all your ways of relating in all relationships by the qualities of true love. If the body of Christ lived this out, those looking in would KNOW we are Jesus’ followers by our love.

Love is:

• patient
• kind
• does not envy
• does not boast
• is not proud
• is not rude
• is not self seeking (demands its own way)
• is not easily angered
• it keep. no record of wrongs
• never glad about evil
• rejoices In truth
• never gives up (always protects)
• never loses faith (always trusts)
• is always hopeful (positive)
• endures all circumstances

(1 Corinthians 13:4-8a)

Bonus with this post: 8 Point Communication Covenant

1. We will express irritations and annoyances we have with one another in a loving, specific, and positive way, rather than holding them in or being negative in general. (Ephesians 4:15; 1 Peter 4:8; Romans 14:13)
2. We will not exaggerate or attack the other person during the course of a disagreement. (Ephesians 4:32; 5:1-2; 1 Peter 3:8-11)
3. We will attempt to control the emotional level and intensity of arguments — i.e. No yelling, uncontrollable anger, or hurtful remarks (James 1:19-20; Proverbs 14:29;15:1;25:15;29:11)
4. We will “never let the sun go down on our anger” or never run away from each other during an argument. (Ephesians 4:26-27)
5. We will both try hard not to interrupt the other person when he/she is talking. (1 Corinthians 13:4)
6. We will carefully listen when the other person is talking, rather than spending that time thinking up a defense. (James 1:19; Proverbs 18:13)
7. We will not toss in past failures of the other person in the course of an argument.
8. When something is important enough for one person to discuss, it is also important for the other person. (Phil 2:3-5)

Pastor Steve Cornell

Forgiveness: It’s not optional but what is it?

 

 

Forgiveness: Not optional for believers! 

 

Jesus said, “For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins” (Matthew 6:14-15). Again, Jesus said, “And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins” (Mark 11:25). 

Jesus teaches that there is a conditional relationship between the forgiveness that we offer to others and the forgiveness we receive from God. Simply put, God will withhold forgiveness from us if we refuse to forgive others. This connection between the horizontal and vertical dimensions of forgiveness should cause significant concern for unforgiving people.  

 

Those who have an incorrect understanding of forgiveness will be unsettled by the conditional relationship—between our forgiveness and God’s forgiveness.

 

 

But, What is forgiveness?

 

When I forgive someone, I ______________________.

 Test Case #1 

“Jennifer Klein was the kind of woman you could count on to reach out to a person in trouble. For instance, when Archie, her husband of twelve childless years, came home with a story about this poor kid named Lennie that he knew at the shop and how her parents had tossed her out in the street, he sparked Jennifer’s inner urge to seek and to save the lost. Without so much as looking up, she said, ‘We’ve got an extra room, maybe we can do her some good. Why don’t you bring her here?’ So he did. “Lennie was only seventeen, nothing fetching to look at, and no joy to have about, mousy and weepy one day, poutish and irritable the next. But her manners only encouraged Jennifer’s hunch that she was performing a bona-fide Christian service. Care and nurture were what the child needed - unconditional love if you will -and Jennifer felt that she had a calling to give them. Maybe this was why the Lord never gave me any children of my own to take care of, she would muse to herself. “Meanwhile, she never worried for a minute about leaving a mere child like Lennie hanging around the house alone with Archie. Well, on a Sunday afternoon, two months after Lennie had moved in, Jennifer strained her thigh while she worked out at her fitness center and came home a half hour earlier than she said she would. When she got there, she found Archie and the castaway in the family room in a compromising position. “Jennifer felt like she had been mugged inside her soul by a two-ton thug. Is this what a person gets for showing someone a little tender mercy? “Jennifer wasted no time. She found herself an apartment and left Archie the very next day. Now, two years later, her spirit is still aching and wracked in pain. She still has a hankering to kill the two of them. ‘Was he up to something even before he brought her home? I don’t know. And me, what a fool I am. I don’t know why I set myself up for trouble, me and my idiotic need to be everybody’s guardian angel. But he took advantage of me. Dear God, I hate that man so much it’s killing me. “And then, without so much as a shift of tone, she dares me to tell her what a person is supposed to do when she needs to forgive somebody. ‘I’ve heard it all my life, we should forgive people who slam us. But now, when it happens to me, I don’t have a clue what it is I am supposed to do. “Somebody had told Jennifer that if she forgave Archie she would put the episode behind her, forget the whole thing, go back to him, accept who he is, and get on with their life together as if nothing ever happened. But this sounded phony to Jennifer, and she knew she could not do it anyway. “‘ Are you supposed lo swallow hard, let him off the hook, and pretend the whole thing never happened? If that is what forgiving is about, Jennifer said, ‘I would rather buy a gun and shoot them both.”, (From: Lewis Smedes, 11lc Art of Forgiving)  

When Jennifer forgives Archie, she ____________________________________.

  Test Case# 2

 

You’ve invited someone to stay in your home and learn that he went into your room and took twenty dollars out of your wallet. You confront him, and he admits that he took the money. He then asks you to forgive him. What should you do?

 

When You forgive him, you __________________________________________.

Option A: When I forgive someone, I treat him as if he had never  wronged me.

   

True? or False? True for minor grievances that we cover in love. False for serious and repeated offenses that drive wedges                      between people.

 

See also: http://thinkpoint.wordpress.com/2007/03/06/resolving-conflicts-two-principles/

  

Option B: “When I forgive someone, I surrender my desire to get even with the one who hurt me?” Always true! Even when I hold one accountable for his actions, I must not do this with a retaliatory motive or manner.

 

See also: http://thinkpoint.wordpress.com/2007/02/25/finding-it-hard-to-forgive/

 

Steve Cornell

Five things Forgiveness is not

1) Forgetting: deep hurts can rarely be wiped out of one’s awareness.

2) Reconciliation: reconciliation takes two people, but an injured party can forgive an offender without reconciliation.

3) Condoning: forgiveness does not necessarily excuse bad or hurtful behavior.

4) Dismissing: forgiveness involves taking the offense seriously, not passing it off as inconsequential or insignificant.

5) Pardoning: a pardon is a legal transaction that releases an offender from the  consequences of an action, such as a penalty” (Adapted from Robert D. Enright, in Niki Denison, “To Live & Forget,” On Wisconsin [November-December 1992]). Note: Forgiveness could lead us to #’s 1,2, & 5.

Resolving Conflict: Two principles

How well do you handle conflict? Are you an avoider? A collaborator? A peacemaker at all costs? Or, perhaps you’re the proverbial “bull in a china shop.” Christians have a special responsibility to resolve conflicts. God has reconciled us to himself; He expects us to be reconciled to each other (Romans 12:16,18;Ephesians 4:2-3). God desires true unity and peace among His people (See http://thinkpoint.wordpress.com/category/unity/ ).

Often conflicts are not handled properly among believers because they simply don’t understand the biblical instructions for resolving them.

The New Testament provides two primary directives for resolving conflict: Confronting in Love and Covering in Love. All conflict must be resolved based on these principles.

 

1. Confront in love: When sinned against, we are directed to speak to our offender with honesty and humility —to confront him in a loving manner. This follows the pattern of Ephesians 4:15– “Speak the truth in love.” It is mandated by Jesus in Matthew 5:23,24 and 18:15-17. Jesus anticipates conflicts among His followers and provides steps for resolution. This reminds us not to be alarmed by conflicts as if they are strange. The key to unity among believers is not the removal of all conflict but commitment to a reconciling spirit.

The principle behind our Lord’s teaching in the above passages is clear. Whether you have been offended, or you’ve offended another, the Lord puts responsibility for reconciliation on you. There is no room for the attitude that says: “That’s his problem!” or “Let her come to me!” The mandate in these passages is from the Lord himself. To ignore it, is to disobey the head of the church and to invite his displeasure and discipline into our Churches (See: Revelation 2 & 3). Note the sense of urgency and immediacy in Matthew 5:23-24 (cf. Ephesians 4:3, 27).

 

Key question: In light of the above principle (Confronting in love), should all matters be issues of confrontation? The second principle indicates that this is not the case.

 

2. Cover in love: “Above all, keep fervent in your love for one another, because love covers a multitude of sins (i.e. offenses)” (I Peter 4:8). The plan of action found in Matthew 5:23-24 and 18:15-17 must be kept in balance with the principle of covering in love. In I Peter 4:8, the apostle quotes Proverbs 10:12 which says, “Hatred stirs up dissension, but love covers over all wrongs.” In the contrast, “covers up” is the opposite of “stirs up”. When one truly covers in love she will not stir up matters over the grievance.

If every offense became a matter for confrontation, we would be involved in endless conflict. Through deep and mature love, many minor offenses can be covered. In the Church, we must learn to cover many minor grievances for the sake of the unity and testimony of the fellowship (John 13:34-35;17:20-23;Philippians 2:14-15). This principle aligns with the requirement in Ephesians 4:2- “show forbearance to one another in love.” (see: Eph. 4:32)

According to I Corinthians 13:5, “Love does not take into account a wrong suffered.” The continual emphasis on strong enduring love between believers highlights the importance of this principle (see: Phil. 1:9; Col. 3:14; I Thess. 3:12; Eph. 5:2; Gal. 5:13; Rom. 12:10). By keeping short accounts with God (see: Prov. 28:13; I Jn. 1:9), we are better prepared to display a generous spirit to our fellow believers.

 

A remaining question: How do we know which of the two principles above should be applied?

“People often ask: ‘Wouldn’t it be better just to let a matter die and not raise the question afresh, thereby starting more trouble?’ The issue resolves itself to this: whether or not the offended person really finds it possible to let the problem die. Plainly every rub and offense cannot be raised and settled. We must learn, in love, to forgive and pass by many slights, annoyances, and offenses. Christ is not speaking of these in Mt. 5 & 18. Rather, he speaks of those offenses that brethren find it difficult to ‘cover.’ If a matter is likely to rattle around inside or carry over till the next day, it should be handled. To put it another way, if an offense drives a wedge between Christian brothers, the wedge must be removed by reconciliation. To say it a third say: anything that causes an unreconciled condition to exist between brethren must be dealt with.” (The Christian Counselors Manual, Jay Adams p. 52).

This is where Matthew 5 and 18 apply. On the one hand, if we feel the need to talk to others about an offense instead of our offender, this may indicate a need for loving confrontation. On the other hand, if we are involved in constant confrontation, we need to become more mature in our love. Where love is weak, suspicion, misunderstanding, and conflict increase. Where love is strong, many minor offenses are covered (I Pet. 1:22).

“If you decide to overlook an offense, you should not simply file it away in your memory for later use against the other person. Instead, you need to forgive the offense in a biblical way: making a commitment not to dwell on it or to use it against the other person in the future. If you cannot overlook the offense this way, or if overlooking it would not be biblically appropriate, talk to the other person about it in a loving and constructive manner.” (The Peacemaker, Ken Sande, p. 64).

In applying these principles, remember that a person with a negative and critical spirit (a faultfinder, cf. Jude 16) is a person who is destructive to the unity of the Church. When such a person refuses to change, the necessary step is: “Remove the scoffer and contention will cease” (Proverbs 22:10).

See also: http://thinkpoint.wordpress.com/2007/03/06/warning-dangerous-people-in-the-church/

Grow up! It might save your marriage

“Marriage is our last best chance to grow up.”

Many marriage problems are a direct result of immaturity. Think about it. An immature person has trouble accepting responsibility and thinks the whole world revolves around his or her desires. Immaturity can make marriage a miserable relationship. But two mature people can overcome many challenges and be mutually encouraged by their companionship.          

Some people have immature understandings of marriage itself. These people want more from marriage than it delivers. Some naively think that getting married will lead to a life of unending happiness. But, as one family Therapist wrote, “Marriage is not supposed to make you happy. It is supposed to make you married” (Frank Pittman, Grow Up! How taking Responsibility Can Make You a Happy Adult).

Although marriage should be a mutually encouraging relationship, when we expect it to meet our need for personal happiness, we place unrealistic pressure on it. To expect another person to make you happy is asking more than most can deliver. Good marriages have happy times –but they also have times of difficulty and sadness.  

If personal happiness is your main goal, it’s time to grow up. Happiness is a by-product of a life of maturity and good priorities. In a strange way, when personal happiness becomes our primary focus, it becomes elusive. Some people (and even counselors) consider it a counseling emergency when a person or married couple is not happy. But this response actually feeds discontentment and can lead people into obsessive dissatisfaction and even depression. Is it possible that the world was not designed to revolve around our felt needs? Happiness is discovered when people decide to be responsible and to focus on serving others more than themselves.          

To experience satisfying companionship, we must think more maturely about marriage. Pittman wisely notes that, “Marriage is not about being in love. It is about the agreement to love one another. Love is an active, transitive verb. It is something married grown-ups do no matter how they feel. It is nice when married people are in love with one another, but if they are loving enough to one another, that magic may catch fire again.”          

One of the greatest obstacles to maturity is the emphasis in our cultural on personal happiness as a fundamental right –if not a sign of true mental health. Don’t misunderstand. I am not suggesting we become stoic realists who are skeptical of pleasure and enjoyment. Instead, I am recommending that true and lasting pleasure comes from a refusal to treat personal felt needs as the highest priorities of life.   

Life can be hard and discouraging. To enjoy it, we must be mature. We need to grow up! Selfishness is always listed as a primary reason marriages dissolve. But self-giving love enriches a marriage. Jesus set the supreme example of this love and the New Testament challenges us to follow that example: “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests but also to the interests of others” (Philippians 2:3-4; see also II Corinthians 5:15).  

A good marriage cannot be realized apart from a grown-up perspective from both husband and wife. Selfishness and childish tendencies must be conquered. When couples accept that marriage is not about being in love but an agreement to love; not about feeling loved but valuing each other, then they will find the path to a deeper, more mature and meaningful marriage. As an added benefit, the feelings often follow the choice to be loving.  

Steve Cornell 

 

I forgive him….but

“I forgive him, I just don’t want anything to do with him!” Those who say things like this realize they must forgive those who hurt them but feel too deeply hurt to allow a relationship to be restored. In most cases, this statement reveals unresolved resentment or bitterness. But sometimes people take this position because they don’t understand the legitimate difference between forgiveness and reconciliation. As a result, they accept a cheap version of forgiveness and vacillate between anger and guilt.

When serious offenses drive people apart, the offended party must first forgive her offender based on God’s forgiveness of her own sins (see: Ephesians 4:32). According to Jesus, this type of forgiveness is not optional (see: Matthew 6:14-15; Mark 11:25) and does not depend on the response of an offender. When forgiveness is settled before God, vengeful attitudes will be surrendered and the door will be open to work toward reconciliation.

Differing from personal forgiveness, reconciliation is a process conditioned on the attitude and actions of the offender. The goal of reconciliation is restoration of a broken relationship. But those who commit significant offenses need to recognize that reconciliation is a