Burnout? Not me!

With the odds stacked against me, I poured myself into my work with unbalanced fervor. The threat of burnout would have never entered my mind. Full of vision and a touch of naïveté, I had a calling to answer and a job to do. Nothing but full throttle ahead would be acceptable. Ready to tackle the work of starting a Church in the university town of Millersville, my expectant wife and I moved to the community in 1985.

In the first five years, our little group of seven grew to more than a hundred people and our family grew to include three children four years old and under. During the first four years of ministry, I had to work on the side to support our young family. Looking back, I now realize it was more like working two full time jobs. By the fifth year, on a very modest salary, we were able to devote full time to the ministry. And after that year, we decided a vacation would be a good idea. My wife tried to convince me that two weeks would be best but I didn’t want to leave the work for that long. We settled on a week away. Occasionally, my wife reminds me of how hard it was in the early years to get me to take time off.

When we arrived at our vacation destination, I unloaded the luggage and baby paraphernalia and laid down for a rest. I will never forget what I felt at that moment. A sense of deep concern came over me when I realized how alarmingly depleted I had become. I pushed myself to a scary point of exhaustion. My wife had tried to slow me down but it took getting away for me to come to my senses. I knew I couldn’t possibly continue the pace of my life. I realized it wouldn’t be fair to my family and that I would risk burnout. My pace was not sustainable for the long run.

Some will read this and say, “Been there; done that!” Others might wonder if this describes their present condition. It’s amazing how oblivious one can be to the threat of burnout until it hits with full force. Overload comes too easily. Margin and balance are hard to maintain. Opportunities outweigh resources. The good threatens the best. A young pastor once said, “I’d rather burn out than rust out.” But a more seasoned pastor reminded the younger leader that either way you’re out.

One observer noted five signs of burnout, (1) Decreased energy -‘keeping up the speed’ becomes increasingly difficult; (2) feeling of failure in vocation; (3) reduced sense of reward in return for pouring so much of self into the job or project; (4) a sense of helplessness and inability to see a way out of problems; and (5) cynicism and negativism about self, others, work and the world generally.

If you’re experiencing physical depletion and fatigue; if you’ve begun to deeply question your effectiveness and battle with negative attitudes towards life and other people; if you feel a growing desire to withdraw from responsibilities and detach from people; if you experience a growing sense of hopelessness, your condition might be a case of burnout.

What should you do? When I realized my level of exhaustion, I knew several things had to change. First, I had to deflate the ego. Even though I was not egotistical, I had the wrong view of my own importance to the Church. I had to realize that the ministry does not depend on me as much as I thought. It belongs to God and I am a replaceable part of his work.

Secondly, I had to do a better job of sharing the work. I began to pray that God would bring some low maintenance, high givers (and this didn’t refer to money). We needed people who were mature and ready to share the work. I had to be selective about investing in people who desired to participate in the Church instead of devoting time to those who had no desire to serve. One of the best decisions we made was to add an associate pastor during our fifth year of ministry.

Thirdly, I learned to say no to things I didn’t really need to do. This required regular reminders from those around me and a willingness on my part to listen to them. Keeping the main thing the main thing is an ongoing battle. Simplify and prioritize has been my motto.

Finally, although many other points could be made, I had to prioritize quiet time for prayer and reflection. Those who give large amounts of themselves away must balance life with solitude and self-reflection to replenish for more giving. Opening Scripture and meeting God in His written word each day is an indispensible part of living a well-balanced and healthy life. On one occasion, Jesus said to his disciples, “Come away to a secluded place and rest a while” (Mark 6:31). This is good advice for those facing the threat of burnout.

Steve Cornell

  

PS–I AM LEADING A CHURCH LEADERSHIP CONFERENCE ON THIS THEME NEXT WEEK (MON-WED) AT SANDY COVE IN NORTHEAST MARYLAND. IT’S NOT TOO LATE TO SIGN UP!! SEE: http://thinkpoint.wordpress.com/church-leaders-sign-up-today/

IF YOU CAN’T MAKE IT, PLEASE PRAY FOR IT TO BE A GREAT TIME FOR THE MORE THAN 200 LEADERS PRESNTLY SIGNED UP TO ATTEND.

MANY, MANY THANKS!!!

8 Dynamics of Addiction and A plan for change

 

 

Overcoming Addiction

 

 

Overcoming Addiction

Do you struggle with addictive behavior? I have repeatedly counseled people caught in the grip of addiction. This would include addictions to alcohol, spending money, tobacco, food, gambling, pornography, drugs, exercise, sleeping, televised sports, and more. The pain in the lives of the addict and those close to him is often significant. Addictions have the power to leave a trail of shattered lives in their wake. The first steps to overcoming a bad habit include an understanding what it is and an admission to having a problem with it. But what does addiction look like? Consider eight dynamics of addiction: 

1.     Repetition of pleasurable and therefore habit-forming behavior, plus escalating tolerance and desire.

2.     Unpleasant after effects of such behavior, including withdrawal symptoms and self-reproach.

3.     Vows to moderate or quit, followed by relapses and attendant feelings of guilt, shame and general distress.

4.     Attempts to ease this distress with new rounds of the addictive behavior (or with the first rounds of a companion addiction).

5.     Deterioration of work and relationships, with accompanying cognitive disturbances, including denial, delusions, and self-deceptions, especially about the effects of the addiction, and the degree to which one is enthralled by it.

6.     Gradually increasing preoccupation, then obsession, with the addictor.

7.     Compulsivity in addictive behavior; evidence that one’s will has become at least partly split, enfeebled, and enslaved.

8.     A tendency to draw others into the web of addiction, people who support and enable the primary addiction.  These “co-dependents” present certain addictive patterns of their own—in particular, the simultaneous need to be needed by the addict and to control him.  The co-dependent relationship is thus one in which primary and parasitic additions join.

                                                                          (From: Not the Way It’s Supposed to Be, Cornelius Plantinga Jr.)

Do you find it hard to break bad habits? Many realize they need to break from wrong behavior but have given up trying. After having tried and failed so many times, they’ve lost all hope of change.

If you’ve accepted failure as a way of life, a change of attitude is your first need. No easy formulas exist for changing deeply ingrained habits, but change itself is impossible for those who accept defeat. We are deeply affected by the mindsets we choose for ourselves. Change must begin in our thinking before it affects our behavior. Lasting change requires daily choices to look at life through the right lens. Defeat is the wrong lens!

“Mary was overweight. The doctor assured her that the cause was not a physical problem, but was caused by her overeating. She tried several diets over a period of months.  This wasn’t easy for her; she unrealistically expected dramatic and immediate results.  Repeatedly, she broke her promises to herself. Eventually, discouragement turned to hopelessness, and Mary gave up trying to lose weight.” (Erwin Lutzer)

 

If you’ve accepted failure as a way of life, a change of attitude must occur before other changes are possible. There are no easy formulas for changing deeply ingrained habits, but change itself is impossible for those who accept defeat. Our lives are significantly affected by the mindsets we choose. Change must begin in our thinking before it affects our behavior. Lasting change requires a daily choice to look at life through the right lens. I have repeatedly learned this truth.         

 

As a teen I wasted two years in rebellion against God and all authority. I left home and joined the gang life on the streets of Philadelphia. I quickly spiraled down a bad path. After hitting the bottom, I turned to God and made a recommitment to serve him with my life. I found change to be very hard to accomplish. I also learned that my main obstacle was my mind.         

 

During my rebellion, I had accumulated bad memories that continually pulled me in the wrong direction. I knew that change would only occur if I could wash my mind of wrong thoughts and fill it with good ones (see: Philippians 4:8). This led me to an intense commitment to memorize scripture. Through the discipline of filling my mind with God’s Word, I was able to change the way I thought about life.  This progressively led to the changes I desired in my behavior.

 

The psalmist prayed, “How can a young man keep his way pure? By living according to your word. … I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you” (Psalm 119:9-11). I recommend a 20/20 approach to scripture: read for 20 minutes; contemplate for 20 minutes. In Scripture, we find the hope and power for change.         

 

In his book, “How to Say ‘No’ to a Stubborn Habit,” Dr. Erwin Lutzer wrote, “A young man, caught in the grip of homosexuality, struggled with this sin for a period of months. God eventually changed him so radically that he developed normal attractions for the opposite sex. Today he is a godly, sensitive young man. God taught him principles of commitment which he has been able to apply to all areas of his life. He memorized more than 200 verses of scripture during those months of agonizing struggle.  His sinful habit drove him to seek God and become intimately acquainted with the Almighty. He began by being occupied with his problem; today he is occupied with his God.”         

 

Although there are no easy solutions for breaking long-established behavior patterns, change is possible. Through patient and persistent application of biblical principles, we can make steady progress. Victory is possible!         

 

Setbacks are often part of the struggle, but as Lutzer suggests, “God uses your struggle to give you a thorough housecleaning, reorganize your priorities and make you dependent on His grace … You must want spiritual freedom, not merely for our own sake, but for God’s sake as well.  Only then will you find the victory he promises.” 

 

Here is a suggested prayer to help you stay on the path of victory: 

 

“Lord, I confess my sin, particularly my rebellion against your authority. In agreeing that I have sinned, I also agree that this sin must be forsaken. Thank you for your forgiveness. I am grateful for this powerful temptation, which gave me the chance to prove that I love you more than any pleasure in the world. I thank you that the temptation is not greater than I can bear, and I rejoice at how you will use it in my life. I look forward to getting to know you better, and I am glad that you have sent me this trial as a reminder of how desperately I need you” (Erwin Lutzer).

 

Steve Cornell